Is That a Pager?!

An insulin pump is a small, eye-brow-raising, “Is that a pager?!” question-generating, device. First and foremost, no, it’s not a pager. At first glance it looks like one – it’s black, it has a clip, and it’s usually tucked into the pocket of my pants. Once I tell them that it’s an insulin pump and pull out the clear tubing connecting my body to the pump, the person’s face turns from curiosity to confusion and sometimes, even embarrassment – like they’re sorry they even asked.

It’s ok if they ask, I don’t mind answering the questions. I tell them that the pump gives me insulin every hour through the tubing and if I’m comfortable enough, I’ll lift my shirt to show them where the tubing connects to my insertion site, a strange looking “plug” where the insulin goes into my belly and is absorbed by my body. What I really want to tell them is that this “pager” is not only helping me control my blood sugar, it is ultimately keeping me alive.

When the Dr. first recommended I use an insulin pump, I didn’t want to do it. The thought of having something attached me to 24/7 did not sound appealing, only annoying. I had just been diagnosed and I knew the pump would not only be a nuisance, but that it would be visible, only opening the invitation for others to ask questions I wasn’t prepared to answer.

For the first few months, I managed my diabetes with insulin injections, about 5-6 shots a day. While I had nothing physically attached to me, I still had to carry syringes, alcohol pads, and vials of insulin with me everywhere. It was as if I had an invisible string connecting my body to the supplies and emotions I had to carry with me. Other than the extra weight in my purse, the other major downside to insulin injections was the rigid schedule I had to maintain. I had to eat at the same time every day and know exactly how much food I was going to eat at each meal. The freedom of eating whatever and whenever I wanted was gone the minute I was diagnosed.

The only way of gaining some of that freedom back was with an insulin pump, as it would give me insulin automatically, just as a normal person’s pancreas would. Once I realized this and with the persistence of my Dr. and parents, we contacted the pump company and ordered my first pump. When it arrived, I still had mixed emotions – I wasn’t sure if I was ready for it yet. Was I prepared to answer those eye-brow raising questions? Was I ready to open up and talk about my diabetes? I was still so unsure about the pump, that the box sat on the kitchen counter for 4 months until I eventually knew it was the best thing for my health.

Three insulin pumps later, I have not gone back to managing my diabetes with injections.  The freedom that I yearned for was instantly found in that first pump. I was able to eat whenever I wanted and have better control of my blood sugar. Although it took a while, I’ve gotten used to the constant attachment. So much so, that if it wasn’t attached to me, my pocket would feel empty without it. As for the questions and looks, I am now fully prepared for whatever question they ask. I see it as an opportunity to educate someone on diabetes and a chance to share a piece of myself I’m not afraid of hiding anymore.