I probably don’t need to tell you the definition of “di•a•be•tes”. If you know that it has something to do with sugar, insulin, and sometimes a weird looking pager with clear string attached to it, then you know what it’s about, for the most part. The point here is the pronunciation. It took me 10 years to say it comfortably, without hesitation or cringing. “di•a•be•tes” isn’t just a word or a disease, it’s an emotional rollercoaster, a weight on your shoulder, an ongoing game of hide and seek.
The word packs a punch with its first two letters, “di”. It sounds exactly like what I thought this disease would do to me when I was diagnosed. When I learned the complications of “di•a•be•tes” like blindness, nerve damage, and kidney failure, all I could think was that this disease is going to kill me. And in fact, it could. I could “di” from “di•a•be•tes”.
James A. Garfield once said, “The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable”. Realizing the weight and possible consequences of having “di•a•be•tes” didn’t set me free- it sent me running into unknown territory, looking for every tree or rock to hide behind. The fear set in so quickly, I didn’t even have time to count to 1 before I had hidden every emotion and fear I had about this disease.
Although it hasn’t been easy, somehow, I have gotten to an open, unhidden place with diabetes (there, I said it). This blog is my “unveiling”, my bumpy journey to acceptance, (or almost acceptance depending on the day or blood sugar level), and the hiding places I have found along the way.
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