The Perfect Fit

This is me, nearly 5 years ago, shopping for a wedding dress. It’s a day I’d always dreamed about – what type of dress I’d pick out, how I’d wear my hair and what length of veil I would choose. As I’m looking through the racks of gowns, sure, I’m thinking about all of these things but in the back of my mind, there is one glaring question: where the hell am I going to hide my insulin pump?! I panic and for a minute feel sorry for myself that I have to deal with this. I want to enjoy my shopping day and this moment I’ve dreamed about so I quickly end the pity party.

I have options here. My first option is to use the garter specifically made for my pump which I bought to wear under my hot pink, (yes, hot pink), senior prom dress. I immediately recollect many trips to the bathroom during prom to hoist the garter back up above my knee so it wouldn’t fall to the dance floor. Ok, scratch that - I plan on dancing my ass off at my wedding (and I did!), not running to the bathroom to fidget with my pump and deal with diabetes.

Another option is to clip it onto my bra. There’s a science to this and the elements all depend on the style of dress, how low the neckline falls, and how well your genetics, (and puberty), panned out for you. Since puberty treated me mediocre and I don’t know what style of dress I’ll ultimately choose, I’m not comfortable with this option either.  I put these worries on hold and head to the dressing room.

Since being on a pump, the dressing room is now not only the place where I see how the clothes fit me but how they fit my pump. There’s a science to this too. If trying on pants, I clip the pump onto my bra while changing in and out. Once buttoned, I do the usual side to side to see how they fit from all angles. If all looks good, the deciding factor is how well my pump fits in the pocket of the pants. No matter how much I loved the pants, I wouldn’t buy or wear anything that didn’t have the right type of pocket to fit, and somewhat hide, my pump comfortably.

Opting to be “unattached”, I try on all of the bridal gowns I picked out without wearing my pump. I’ll worry about where I’ll conceal it after I’ve picked a dress.  Only a few of the dresses are high enough contenders to qualify for trying on a veil but there was only one dress that I wanted to put on again – the very first one I tried on. 

Back in the dress, standing in front of the mirror, I just know that it’s the one. It’s light ivory, with just enough beading throughout its A-line skirt. The neckline is a low sweetheart, too low to hide my insulin pump. But in that moment, I don’t care. I’ll figure out a way to fit diabetes into my wedding day just as I have had to fit into my everyday life.

Here I am on my wedding day, in the dress. You’re looking at one happy, insulin-pumping-diabetic newlywed but you wouldn’t know that at first, or even, second glance. What you don’t see is the evidence, my insulin pump. When all other options failed, I turned to the only thing I knew I would be comfortable with – a pocket.  Sewn into my slip under my dress, this 2”x 4” pocket gave me the freedom to dance my butt off and to enjoy the day I’d always dreamed about.